Here are 3 TIPS to Make Your Life Easier While Building Self Esteem in Your Child.
1) If you are anxious or upset, name the feeling, say something about it and then manage it by making a plan.
2) Pick Your Battles and Priorities! Loosen up on punishments. Punishments generally don’t work, anyway. I can’t tell you one child or teenager I have worked with in 30 years who felt they learned something positive about their behavior from being punished. Rather, they learned to feel anger at not being understood, and shame and humiliation about themselves instead of pride and the wish to initiate behavior in line with the hope of living up to the expectations of their family. We want to help them want to work for the positive feeling they will have when they listen, and for the positive reinforcement of your expressed pride in them. Praise the good efforts, listening, and accomplishment of things important to you but also things important to them.
3) Schedule the following day with them in pic form so they are a part of the process of learning to schedule a day and they have ‘buy in’.
Ego Strengthening Behavior Chart
CHILD DRIVEN REWARDS MENU
One Hour TV
½ Hour Video Games
2 Cookies with milk
A Game or Puzzle
Playing With The Dog
Coloring for half an hour
Play with Playdough and Lego
CHILD AND PARENT DRIVEN REWARDS
Take a walk together
Watch a movie together child’s choice
Bake together
Complete a puzzle or Lego project together
Mini golf
Create together for buy in
GOALS
CHILD DRIVEN REWARDS MENU
One Hour TV
½ Hour Video Games
2 Cookies with milk
A Game or Puzzle
Playing With The Dog
Coloring for half an hour
Play with Playdough
Legos
Create together
CHILD AND PARENT DRIVEN REWARDS
Take a walk together
Watch a movie together child’s choice
Bake together
Complete a puzzle or Lego project together
Mini golf
Create together for buy in
Have your children and teens fill in the boxes themselves and then show you you. Reward them verbally and at the end of the week if they get 5 stars towards ego strengthening behavior. They get a bigger reward. If they are a part of the process, they will have to buy in more agency to work for what you want and what they want. You're each choosing goals. The Parent Goals go in the bottom right corner. You are creating reward lists together. This will help them with time management and initiative later!
For more information please call me at 914-632-7111.